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mazohyst of decadence
Appears on GAUZE (1999)
Length 9:22
Lyrics by
Composed by
PV
Lyrics
⇵ Japanese ⇅

生み落とされる子供 罪の意識の無い大人 落とされ
名前も無い僕 何故ここにいるのかさえ 解らないけれど
たった数ヶ月の命とも知らず・・・・
僕は愛されたい 僕は生まれたい この母体の中見つめて
僕が意識を待った時から二ヶ月目何かが早いと感じた
まだ何も出来ない そのうちプラグが・・・・
不完全な僕は掻き落とされた痛みが体を突き抜ける
母の泣き叫ぶ声耳鳴りが止まない
白衣の大人達僕を救い上げた
冷血に満ち溢れた瞳に血塗れの右手の無い僕が写る
そのまま黒いビニールに包まれた
だんだん意識が薄れる中僕は考える静かに
Cageの僕をこのまま愛せるならそれでいい 許せず
愛されない僕はこのまま死んだ方がいい
だから産声を上げず 静かに眠りましょう
一度だけ母の愛この手で感じてみたい
これが愛なのかもしれない ありがとう
二度と開かない扉 固く閉められていた
でもね僕はきっと未来の君だから
ラララ・・・・
体焼き尽くされ骨が無くなるまで焼き尽くす
さよなら

⇵ Rōmaji ⇅

Umiotosareru kodomo Tsumi no ishiki no nai otona Otosare
Namae mo nai boku Naze koko ni iru no ka sae Wakaranai keredo
Tatta sūkagetsu no inochi tomo shirazu....
Boku wa aisaretai Boku wa umaretai Kono karada no naka mitsumete
Boku ga ishiki o matta toki kara nikagetsu me nani ka ga hayai to kanjita
Mada nani mo dekinai Sono uchi puragu ga....
Fukanzen na boku wa kaki otosareta itami ga karada o tsukinukeru
Haha no naki sakebu koe mimi nari ga yamanai hakui no otona-tachi boku o sukui ageta
Reiketsu ni michi afureta hitomi ni chimamire no migi te no nai boku ga utsuru
Sono mama kuroi binīru ni tsutsumareta
Dandan ishiki ga usureru naka boku wa kangaeru shizuka ni
Cage no boku o kono mama aiseru nara sore de ii Yurusezu
Aisarenai boku wa kono mama shinda hō ga ii
Dakara ubugoe o agezu Shizuka ni nemurimashō
Ichido dake haha no ai kono te de kanjite mitai
Kore ga ai na no ka mo shirenai Arigatō
Nido to hirakanai tobira Kataku shimerarete ita
Demo ne boku wa kitto mirai no kimi dakara
Ra ra ra....
Karada yakitsukusare hone ga nakunaru made yakitsukusu
Sayonara

⇵ Official Translation ⇅

A fetus is the product of irresponsible adults.
Here I am, without a name, I don't even know why I'm here.
I don't even know if I just live for a few months…
I want to be loved, I want to be born, staring at the inside of the mother's body.
I felt something go fast, it was the second month of consciousness.
I can't do anything yet, before long, here comes a plug…
I was scraped out, the pain goes through my incomplete body.
My mother's screaming stings my ears.
People in white gowns picked me up.
In their cruel eyes, I see myself, covered with blood without a right arm.
They wrapped me in a black plastic sheet.
Loosing consciousness, I try to think calmly.
If you love me the way I am, even if I'm deformed, it is fine with me. I can't forgive you.
If you can't love me, I rather die as I am.
That's why I don't bother to cry like a newborn baby, and I'll just sleep in peace.
Just once, I want to feel my mother's love with my hand.
This may be love, thank you.
The door was tightly closed and will never open again.
I must be yours in the future.
La, la, la…
The body will be burnt until it has disappeared
SAYONARA

Trivia Edit

  • This song was initially called 新曲3 Shinkyoku 3 ("New Song 3") during Dir En Grey's indies days in 1997–98. In SHOXX #59, the song is mistakenly called 新曲8 Shinkyoku 8 in the setlist. By April 1998, the band had decided on the song's title, but wrote it in Katakana as マゾヒスト・オブ・デカダンス mazohisuto obu dekadansu. After the name "mazohyst of decadence" was established, magazines occasionally wrote it in allcaps.
  • "Mazohyst" is a corruption of "masochist".
  • "Cage" is a placeholder for a word that is censored in the track. The censored word is 奇形児 kikeiji, which means "deformed child".
    • Interestingly, Kyo sings the "ki", but the rest is censored with a beep. The Japanese reading of "cage" is ケージ keeji. If the two words are put together, they're pronounced "kikeeji" or "kikeiji".
  • Not included in the booklet's lyrics is the spoken part, which is:
本当にこれでいいんですね Hontō ni kore de iindesu ne (Are you really sure about this?)
ハイ Hai (Yes.)
あなたは何人目ですか Anata wa nanninme desu ka (How many times have you had an abortion?)
一人目です Hitori-me desu (This is the first time for me.)
僕は数え切れない子供を殺しています Boku wa kazoekirenai kodomo o koroshite imasu (I've been involved in countess abortions, murders.)
あなたは許せますか・・・・・ Anata wa yurusemasu ka….. (Can you forgive me?)
もう一度聞きます Mō ichido kikimasu (I'm asking you one more time.)
本当にこれでいいんですね Hontō ni kore de iindesu ne (Are you sure about this?)
ハイ Hai (Yes.)
用意はいいですか Yōi wa ii desu ka (Are you ready?)
ハイ Hai (Yes.)
では始めましょう Dewa hajimemashō (Let's get started.)
  • The whole spoken part also served as the title for the concert in December 1999, that was released on VHS and DVD as 1999年12月18日大阪城ホール 1999-nen 12-gatsu 18-nichi Ōsaka-jō Hōru.
  • A symphonic version of this song was performed on November 11, 2011.
Other Versions
Name Appears on
新曲3
マゾヒスト・オブ・デカダンス
mazohyst of decadence (Symphonic Ver.)
Dir En Grey
DiscographyTimelineMembers
Albums
GAUZE (1999) PoemsMACABRE (2000) Poems鬼葬 (2002)VULGAR (2003)Withering to death. (2005)THE MARROW OF A BONE (2007) Liner NotesUROBOROS (2008) PoemsDUM SPIRO SPERO (2011) PoemsUROBOROS [Remastered & Expanded] (2012)ARCHE (2014)VESTIGE OF SCRATCHES (2018)The Insulated World (2018)
EPs
MISSA (1997)six Ugly (2002)THE UNRAVELING (2013)
Singles and Others
業 / 蒼い月 (1997)「楓」~if trans~ (1997)JEALOUS (1998)-I'll- (1998)脈 (2000)【KR】cube (2000)太陽の碧 (2000)ain't afraid to die (2001)embryo (2001)かすみ (2003)朔-saku- (2004)GLASS SKIN (2008)激しさと、この胸の中で絡み付いた灼熱の闇 (2009)LOTUS (2011)DIFFERENT SENSE (2011)蜜と唾 (2011)輪郭 (2012)SUSTAIN THE UNTRUTH (2014)人間を被る (2018)
Other Songs
INWARD SCREAMList of Demos, Rares and Others